got Spencer stuck in my head....

yeah I'm taking another break from painting. I took some turns and blocked out completely black hanging chickens on top of the painted ones (not right on top, but like overlapping). I think it looks really cool. There's only about 4 of em so it's not too overwhelming.

Started the triptych as well. This time instead of just painting all over it, I started with the black figures arranged in an upside down manner....(actually....I painted it, then realized it looked better upside down, so I'm goin' with that for now). I figure I'll try to do a reverse process this time instead of blocking everything in then going it over and over. I think if my sense of where the end begins, I can make the beginning much stronger.

I bet this would all make so much more sense if I had pictures. Too bad blogger doesn't know how to handle paintings like mine.....o well.

After getting all of that done, I sat down and read for about 40 minutes straight. I have 4 more pages of Imran left. So far out of the two suras this one is my favorite. Just because it goes over and over about how if you don't do what is asked, then you're screwed in the hereafter. I remember sitting in Sunday school back in the day and just rolling my eyes when they always talked about the birth of Jesus. Why? Because they always had to make it seem like his birh was a late night barn yard musical. They made such a big deal about the surroundings and how all the animals in the world huddled over his straw baby carriage, that the entire story lost its meaning. Anyway, I don't know, I always feel like a complete dork when talking about this stuff.

I have to get off that kick about how whenever I mention something from it I feel like that kid outside of school standing on an old milk carton talking his head off about how everyone but him will visit eternal hellfire.

Insert the time when this actually happened after school as my friends and I were all playing the air guitar while running out the building then suddenly all stopped dead in our tracks once we saw the kid on the milk crate. Is it necessesary for those kids to either always wear a trench coat.....or a cream colored "members only" jacket.

o well, I'm gonna go paint and finish up the last few pages of Imran.
bye bye. I feel like I could go as either one of those guys right now.

Okay so I just crapped my pants.....twice in a row...and I can feel a third coming my way. I found the jackpot of all Sunset Rubdown/Frog Eyes websites....with all new sunset rubdown songs...with all new Frog Eyes songs.....with all new single songs that come out before the albums, with all the live sessions....with all the studio recording sessions.
you're gonna have to call me when you get a chance....this site is so fucking unreal dude.
uMMMMMMM there's this new Sunset Rubdown song called, "Winged/Wicked Things", and.............holy fucking turds on sticks!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh it's not even a big deal....here's another one in a newer version, the song...A HUM...."Jason Believe Me, You Can't Trust Youre Dreams". Sigh.

I've crapped my pants four times now and Beeb's pissed. So there's like two older versions of this song, and I just found the more studio version....which the verse is much more pounding................it's niccccccce.

ohhh I don't know.....what's this? A live studio version of "They took a vote and said no". I'm seriously about to cry.....it's song after song....live.....b-sides....AHHHHHH I want to tell you the site so much but I know I should just keep this to myself for a while so I can make people awsome mixed cd's again. Time to work on that package that's 5 months old.


OHHHH MY WHAT"S THIS? A live version in a studio somewhere in Chicago...the song is.................."shut up I'm dreaming of places where lover's have wings."

Oh and it's not even a big deal that I'm listening to new Frog Eyes.."Caravan Breakers"..the songs we heard live at the Magic Stick....hahahahah it's not even....I can't take this...I must start making mixed cds.

Oh yeah...and there's this band called "Sound Team". I saw them with the Walkmen back at the Blind Pig three summers ago.......and up until now I could never remember their name....but they sound fucking awsome....just like the old Walkmen......I'll be sure to put this on your cd dude.

Beeb is a fat cat.....

So folks.....I'm back in Lansing. I would normally dedicate any second to painting or buffing out zinc plates with ink.....but tonight....things are different. It's one of those nights where I'm just gonna hang out by myself...read a whole lot....eat about 4 portions of just stuffing/mashed potatoes/gravy and green been casserole, and just do nothing but enjoy finding new music, cleaning my room, and silence.

It is called "The night of a thousand Braks" tonight. No one is home, all is quiet, and I can be as loud as I want. Plus Beeb needs a manicure and pedicure because I found out why she's always scratching the glass mirror late at night. (because her claws are too long and she's trying to file them down) Scientific doctor stuff.....sigh...I know....some people say "gosh Anthony...how are you so smart?" to which I reply with, "I know.....sometimes I feel that the burdens of life are always weighing down my shoulders and I'm left to solve man kinds problems" (If you say it in Brak's Dad's voice it sounds really funny. But if you don't watch the BRak Show (UH HUMMMMM ((clearing of the throat)) then you have no idea what I'm talking about.

So......I'm sure I'll be writing much tonight since I ain't got shit to do for the rest of the day.......I think it's time to re organize the 8 records I have....."not alphabetically........not.." someday I want shelves full of records like this....but good ones.

So......8 hours later....I'm sitting in the living room that just got carpeted and ugh....my stomach really hurts now. Why? Because I've had three meals within 8 hours and I don't think even this fat kid can stand it. I mean....I can do snacking...especially M&M's, but Turkey Dinners? aka. "I fall asleep for at least 40 minutes after every plate of turkey." Which is why I am up now. Because yes....in 8 hours maybe this kid did take 3 naps....so I'm in search now of finding new music on cdnow.com while writing this entry for ya.

So far.....the new Band Of Horses album is about as happy as I'll get right now. The only song off their new album entitled, "The first song" ain't so bad. kinda reminds me of Built To Spill, but egh, now that I listen to the rest of the ablum...it might take a while for it to make it onto a mixed cd for Lithography. There's so many bands I'm not aware of these days. I get wrapped up in my own little Godspeed/Explosions world that I tend to forget there's happy music out there.

On the other hand the new Silver Mt. Zion & The Tra La La Band's album is fucking awsome. There's another band called "Hrsta" which is some new side project from the singer of Silver Mt. Zion and Godspeed....but it's really hard to find audio clips online to listen to.

I know none of this is interesting to you....sooooooory. But it's been a while since I've researched new music. A long time ago before I was an art major, I actually had time to push off reading history books and research the internert for new music to listen to. But now....since I'm always drawing circles or painting clear glass bottles.....I never seem to have time to enlighten people with new great music.

ALLLLLSO, the album by Do Make Say Think, "Winter Hymn Country Hymn Secret Hymn" is fucking grand. I forgot about this album actually. Gavin let me borrow it during the summer, and it became my "traveling to Florida" cd for about two months. I'll have to get a copy of it for the studio. It's like the happier version of Explosions in teh Sky.
I'll finish this in a second.

ummm thank god for cable and newly carpeted living rooms

So what is it you ask that I am greatful for this Thanksgiving. Let me tell you. This is a three parter. One: Cable. Why? Becuase today marks the day where Fosters is on for the entire day and at 7 p.m there's even a full length movie called "Good Wilt Hunting" on. Why am I so excited? Becuase I am seriously watching Fosters up until the point of leaving to go to my Aunt's house (on Jim's side) and by the time I get back this Fosters movie will be on. Let's hope I don't miss it.

(Also, I don't have to dress up this Thanksgiving. My ma said, and I quote, "I'm tired of trying to prove myself to all of them.....you can wear whatever you want."

HELL YEAH MOM.......You know what that means. Fat kid over here is gonna have more room in his pants this year to stuff his pants without feeling the need to undo a button at the end of the dinner. Every year....EVERY YEAR...my mom makes me wear these khaki pants that don't even fit right...and what does that mean for a fat kid? Well............it means that you arn't able to eat as much because as it is from even before you eat....the pants are already too tight around the waist. So what am I doing this year? Aerobic Jeans please....and they are in the wash now so that in t-minus 40 minutes I'll be able to sit comfortably at a house I don't even want to be at.
HAhahha my mom is making all this food right now....like everything...the real deal...to which I ask, "hey ma, are we bringing over all this stuff?" what does she say?

"no....this is for us when we come back.....we're having seconds at home this year."
hahahahahahahhahaha I feel like this breifly describes why I'm such a fat kid sometimes when it comes to eating. This entry is definitly gonna have to continue soon.....I have so much more to tell....especially about how my ma went into McDonalds after picking me up from Lansing, to which instead of buying a normal breakfast meal..............she picks me up two apple pies and a coffee....HEY MOM......seriously?!!! 9 o clock in the AM and you're ready for fake Apple McDonald Pies?

I'm gonna go watch more Fosters with Sam.
happy holidays kid.

Well......looks like it's pasta and butter again tonight

So.....this is what it feels like to be a starving artist. I should have gone to med school.....I should have gone to law school....I should have should have should have.....feeling poor sucks...especially when you're in college and there's absolutly no way to make money. I should be getting paid for the amount of hours I spend in Kresge. (sorry I'm unloading right now). I'm there morning till morning building up a portfolio that will hopefully someday be my "thank you for your hard you, now you "may" be able to stand in line for grad school" ticket. It's not even my "meal ticket", it's more like a "you've endured this much....how about some more" ticket.

jesus tap dancing christ...........fudging plastic cards with that little VISA logo on it. How is it that I feel so depressed whenever my card gets declined. Even when no ones around and you're the only one at the gas station, it feels like everyone in the world now knows you're poor.........it's so pathetic how much plastic can get you down sometimes.

I need a better budget. That's all there is to it. I guess I need to stop spending so much money on.............."cherry wood, clear pine, and birch!!!!!"

try explaining that to your mom. You sound like a complete lunatic......

"ma......my bank account is overdrawn by 50 bucks, I don't even have enough quarters in my room for gas tonight.......I spent 100 bucks the other day on three pieces of cherry wood.........."

sigh........(I take that back)................SIGH

It's okay I guess....everyone goes through financial troubles.....but you see......I'm a guy.....and there's a lot of pressure for us "retarded" species to be able to provide for other people in the future........and although I know this means nothing, and in less than 5 days I'll be back on my feet again....I just feel like my career as an artist in the future will be harder than I think it will be, and that no one would ever, I MEAN EVER, want to put up with a starving artist. Insert part where I feel like shit and that I'm bound so be alone for the rest of my life...........

ugh....sorrrrrry it's the holidays and I'm stuck home tonight with no food or milk in the fridge to my name.

Even when my mom asked me a minute ago, "well....do you have food for tonight?"

I answered back with a, "hahahah no........I mean...yeah ma, I can find something".

I know my life won't always be like this. I know all my hard work will pay off one day and I'll be able to support a family. It's that voice in the back of your head that says "jesus Anthony, you can't even buy gas right now, that means all you're dreams won't come true because you don't have any money."

To which I say.........."yeah you would say that mr. voice in the back of my mind. You would kick me when I'm down".

ANNNNWAY, I've been re-reading parts of this and HEY!!!! why am I so sad....seriously.....so what if I have no money and chris just sent the utilities out....so what if that means I might get another 50 dollars JUST IN OVERDRAFT fee's so my checks don't bounce...(so what if I didn't accept a 250 dollar check the other day from some guy at NYU....I mean, it takes a man to do that shit doesn't it?........... so what right? it's just money......and at least I've been making good decisions lately and using most of it for school purposes.......and I'm sure I'll ask my mom tomorrow if we can swing by the bank before we hit the road back to Ann Arbor so we can deposit some mula in my account.

"hey mommmmmmmmm.............can I borrow some money pleaseeeeeeeeeeee".

Life's not that bad. I mean I just painted all day today while thinking non stop about something....yeah.....seriously........"SERIOUSLY????!" pinky swear.....

I'll update again late tonight since I don't really have anything better to do. I might start Franny and Zooey tonight. I'm off to make pasta and butter....aka. fat kids food when there's nothing fresh in the fridge to eat.

You should be sleeping right now kid.

can someone pleasssse tell me a story!????

I was having a conversation with ms. amda today in which she mentions that, us art students, never have time to just do nothing. Like sitting on the couch and just to let your brain rot a little from television. Say goodbye to coming home after school at three and being able to watch "Bonkers" for what seems like two whole straight hours. Say goodbye to mom making you after school snacks 30 minutes before dinner. Forget watching Saturday morning cartoons until you've realized you've watched way too many cartoons in a row and it's time to move onto either action figures, or video games until lunch time.

You know what I miss the most. Waking up at the crack of dawn, running into the living room with my pillow and blanket (which believe it or not was actually a "rainbow" print comforter with matching pillow cases) and just sitting in front of that glowing TV that seemed to keep you so warm until the sun came up.

pancake smells all over the place.......that ray of light coming from the break of day that would always block out the most climatic part of the cartoon.......yeah I miss that. No one makes me pancakes ever and I've resorted to hand made black curtains so no light gets in my room during the weekend.

What do I get to do now? I get to wake up at three in the morning to find Beeb, my cat, playing with finger monsters that seem to fly back and forth from each side of the room every few minutes. She's learned how put her paw into the finger part and flip it up into the air so that as she's doing this she's able to jump up in the air and cause even more of a scene............at 3 a.m.

And if you give her a magnet to play with, the entire room becomes her own shuffle board rink until you take it away. I wish there was a way to load videos onto blogger. The older cats get the more clever they get....which is cool I guess.

I really can't wait until I can get a dog.

I want a dog, a nice record player, an exposed brick wall, and a cactus.....and I think I should be set....well.....I mean there's other stuff....but.....you know.

Anyway, I think everything seems shitty because it's horrible weather out right now. I was walking to school today while it was drizzling, and thought to myself.........in the most manly way I could think of......"hmmmm this rain should give my hair a little "umph" today which will be good....the more volume the better...... right?" no.................apparently not.......................not after walking in the rain for 15 minutes. My hair was completely wet and pressed up against my forehead like I had used an entire bottle of molding paste.

I know...........it's pretty gay that I'm talking about this, but seriously..............I'm trying to waste time..................I have an hour and a half until I GET to go back to kresge and WORK MORE!!!

YIPPPPPPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Watching movies while "attempting" to draw on Lithography plates is fun as hell..............but you seriously don't get anything done. And I'm sure my friend would back me up on this theory...but if you're with ME, while watching a movie, while trying to draw on a litho plate.........you might as well not even come to school because sitting at home on a couch watching a movie would be more productive than attempting to deal with all three factors I just listed above.

I make no sense sometimes. Ugh I am so bored. I want this year to be over with so I can get a move on with the rest of my life. Schools going great and all, I'm getting a lot of work done, and I think I'm building a decent portfolio...........(in my head).........but it's seriously time to get the hell out of kresge and on to bigger and better things.

okay I'm done.....I'm gonna take a nap on this counter....bye bye

my record player sucks

So.....sigh....my ears have been red since about 7ish. I even took a shower and they are still burning. Emily hosted a photo shoot of everyone at our house plus some extra people, and I bet they were red in the pictures too. Fuck red eye.....red ear is more like it. Thankfully my face wasn't in many of the pictures. I was usually looking through the blinds or cut off at the waist while walking up the stairs, ORRRRRR shot from behind so all that's showing is my back and neck.

Luckily for the viewing audience, it was a fully clothed shoot. I came to the conclusion that, nude photography, or even slightly clothed photography can be dumb............I think there's other ways to pull off shooting the figure....kinda like how Dijkstra does it I guess. I think it's just beginning to seem a little typical for beginning photographers to say "hey......let's get naked and do a series of pictures on the body". I think it's kind of like painting. If you don't study the old masters, then you have no basis of knowledge to work off of. Then again all they studied was the nude....I guess I don't know then....I always do this dude...I start off with an idea....then I end up where I began.....and it never seems to make sense.....jeeeeeeeska

Anyway I prefer those types of pictures. The ones where I really don't have to be in them as much as other people. No one needs to waste time focusing on my asome greesy "I haven't showered in 3 days" hair style or my patchy beard that I hold oh so dear. I did have to change pants though from my "why didn't anyone tell me I had a hole in the ass of my jeans" to what I just realized were "aerobic" jeans. The really stretchy.....womens....jeans I always wear...............yeah about those dude.


Weeks on end I'll wear those, and I just fucking thought about how since they are so tight and stretchy, I should be doing aerobics instead of walking out in public with them.

It sucks when you make a funny joke about yourself thinking no one is really listening to you.....but then everyone actually notices what you're talking about, and for the rest of the night, you feel you're entire identity is best known as "aerobic jean boy" to others.

Ohhh well........it's what I do best I guess.

I really like the pink color of his shirt....reminds me of the painting ms. ammalasecretnamegoeshere did. I would say I like that pink......sigh....

On a lighter note. Beeb did a spectacular thing this evening. You could say she played a key role throughout the photo shoot. Yeah.....she's pretty famous. Anyway, back to the story. Emily was shooting this scene where Carlette was sitting in an orange chair at the bottom of our stairs by the door, and the rest of us were walking up the stairs but looking down, or in whatever direction we thought would look interesting, but at the same time keeping it real by showing off our....indie hipster retardish ways.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Beeb is in the living room and is watching all of us pose like retards, when she decides, "yeah...........I could make this picture so much better". To which she runs up to where Carlette is sitting and hops on her lap. But it gets better don't worry. I wasn't gonna pull an Anthony right there and tell an awesomely amazing pointless story like I usually do.

So Beeb is perched up on Carlette's lap, and all of a sudden..............we're in between shots and Carlette tries to pick up Beeb and give her a kiss on the cheek....being all retarded and trying to make a scene like she usually is.....to which Beeb comes back with a hiss that makes cat's hissing at the devil in the Exorcist look like kids games. No joke......this wasn't one of those moans or growls that cats do when they are annoyed or aggravated....this was a "wide opened mouth (I'm defending my life)" kind of hiss.

In the back of mind I was saying, "that'll do pig............that'll do."

speaking of.....can we go back sometime this week and watch that movie.....?

O well, that's about all I have for stories right now. I know it's not that interesting, and I know I've wasted about 10 minutes of your eye sight strength, but.....I try......

It's midnight, and even though that's not late at all I feel like an old man. I painted so much this weekend it was sick. But at the same time, I've never really thought about how this entire weekend, from Friday to Sunday, I woke up...went to the studio....went back home....slept....then woke up...and did it all over for two days straight. With this whole "personal outlook on life quest" I'm trying to figure out, it really made me stop to think about how happy it made me that I can in fact, arrange my life so that all I do is wake up to have energy to paint, then fall asleep because of all the work I put in that day towards one thing. That was probably the most confusing sentence I ever wrote. But all I'm saying is I'm so fucking happy I'm doing something with my life that can drive me both in the morning and at night.

...........because............................what it all boils down to is.........."I would".

my entire life story and what I want to make out of it is.............."yeah........I would shoot for that". Thank god I feel like it can all work out in the end. Not that I'm already a sad bastard when it comes to everything else, but at least I have something to think about that makes me happy about what's next to come my way.

So what does this all mean? Not much, but I just put on my new Godspeed record on my shitty record player and it sounds amazing, even though I don't have a receiver and it sounds like it's on volume setting 2.

The only problem I'm facing with this is that since this is a really old record player that I got at salvation army, it skips about every 5 seconds, so basically I have to push the needle to all the good parts in the song just to hear a shorter version than cdnow gives you.

It's good though....moderation right? I'm buying these records so that when I move in a year or so, I'll have something to keep me company through the whole moving to a new city experience. Yeah as sad bastard as that sounds...what's better than investing in a really good record player and a bunch of AWESOME records, knowing that you won't listen to them now, but will save them for a very special moment in time. That's how I see it. As much as I want to listen to the Devendra/Xiu Xiu album....I know it will sound much better in the future.........that way I can appreciate it more I guess.

well....I would love to go on....(and I know I'm not that special so I don't know why I'm acting like I'm trying to serve this huge audience with my fantastic stories) but I just made an entire box of mac n cheese with garlic powdered flavored ground beef.....mmmmmmmmmmm.....so please excuse me while I morph into Mr. fat kid over here and chow down while watching the rest of "A Dog Day Afternoon". Starring....Al Pachino......in a really fucking awesome cream colored shirt and black pants.

I'm already jealous and I haven't even turned on the movie.

Goodnight ms.

my grandma quit eating pork.

So.....today is one of those days where everything in the first hour of waking up contributes to the next 12 hours of thought. After reading a passage from a book that holds dear to the idea of family being first, I realized that even though I have such a distant family, I needed to make the first step.
I haven't talked to my grandma in over a year and a half....probably more, since I think the last time I talked to her was when I first moved into my house on Eureka. Ever since I was young I have known her as "Nona". I never really call her Grandma for some reason. I'd always like to think that "Nona" was the secret code name she told me to call her when I was two, but I think everyone in the family calls her that.....I still am going with the theory that her name was only revealed to me, because I was usually her favorite grandson......why?.....because I was the fat kid who always stood below her ankles tugging for a second and third taste test. I still remember how her wooden spoons felt on the tip of my tounge every time she handed me down a sample.

Her real name is "Feliccia", and I know I probably spelled that wrong. That's my dad's middle name. And that's my great grandfathers last name......something like that. She comes from a town in Italy called Campobasso. Which when I asked her I wrote something that more so resembled "camp-lazlo". It's a town that's located right between Naples and Rome. But since whenever she refers to the backcountries she always says "Napoli y Roma". To which I think...."okay....Naopleon's ship....and a tomato".



So I called her today......this morning.....about 5 minutes after waking up to be exact. My family history is now a current version of Gilligans Island. Everyone's just fucking weird, and it seems like we're all waiting for someone to rescue the dignity of this whole family. So why does it feel like I'm that person?

Nona mentioned that Sonya, my oldest cousin on my Dad's side, had a baby boy. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN??! Since his father is Sicillian....of course the name for a child is usually derived from the childs grandfather...so what was this kids name you ask? Ohhhh it's not even a big deal.......the childs name is ........Antonio.

what a great name.....I told nona "I approve of that name Nona" to which she chuckled in an old grandma way that all grandma's laugh in. The kind of desperate laugh that says "ohhh Anthony.....you remind me of what it was like to laugh". Which is so heart warming, but also makes you want to take them away from the boring Aunt's house, and splurge them with a cruise across the world back to the motherland just so they could see the house they grew up in.

All in all, I think she is doing fine. I'm not sure though. She's had back surgury, and three weeks ago just had foot surgury. When I asked her how she was doing, she literally replied, "eghhhhhhh.....not so good.....I've been stuck in this dumb chair for three weeks now because I had foot surgury." talk about a sinking heart.
Wouldn't it be nice when you ask them how they are doing to hear, "GREAT! I just got back from playing beach vollyball, and I'm about to go snorkling after I fix myself a double decker sandwhich.........(in detroit grandma?)"

To my surprise though, my grandma gave up pork......SERIOUSLY!??? I almost blurted out "ohhh DUDE....BRO I"M DOING THAT TOO!" her reason were that in the Old Testiment they never ate pork. so....yeah......that would happen.....I wouldn't talk to my grandma in over a year and at the same time we just give up pork without even letting each other know. and by the way....turkey bacon is so much better than the real deal....no joke. Being a fat kid and all, my aunt would make me turkey bacon by the plate when I was little.

Anyway, sorry if this wasn't a page turner kinda like my last post.