two-headed boy

well, it sure has been a while. Most entries seem to carry on that idea at the beginning of every attempt. I do like the moment though you realize it's been far too long since the last time you've written something about your life. For the past year the most significant twists and turns undoubtedly never surface within the pages of mynotebook, but then when they do, sometimes little details are forgotten.

I have a little notebook I carry around with me, usually I leave it in the car. It's more of a "remind myself what to do" type notebook rather than a journal journal.

I suppose I'll let you in on some events that have circulated though my past three months:

I moved back to Lansing in Jan, living on a couch that comes with a complementary coffee table for my legs since I'm longer than the couch. I also bought glasses so now I can see street signs and blades of grass.

I'm working a full time job now doing nothing more than a dream I'm afraid to wake up from.

I've sent out all Graduate Applications and have received rejection letters from Yale and Temple. I expect more shortly, but am hoping to receive them if that makes sense. I don't think I'm mature enough for graduate school at this moment, I need a year or two to myself. My paintings so far are only a start and nothing more. I see my newest work as surfaces that have digested too many forms that were not yet fully understood to begin with. For what I want to paint, I need some time off to do research, countless studies, and time to work out the over usage of color and the naive ideas. I feel like I need at least 150 finished drawings before I can say with confidence that I'm ready for graduate school. I've given up on painting for a while too I might add. There's not that much of a difference between drawing and painting. I do feel that it is important to understand the use of color, but only if there's a solid structure to apply color to. Is color used for more of a aesthetic purpose, or rather for heightening subjects through the attempt of portraying emotion? So for right now I say foo-ey with color, i'm sticking to watercolors and pencil for the time being. I think painting is easier to pick back up than drawing.

I admit the next four years of my life seem thrown up in the air. I suppose it all calms down when I get on that tenure track at a university somewhere. ia. I mean this is fun and all watching things come together, but the anxiety is making me do drastic things like the act of cutting off my beard in the middle of the week.

I may be moving to Berlin for either a year or two. Two years is a long time, but it would also be a time for me to really focus on my work in solitude, learn another language and finally be have the time to sit down at night and read before bed since not many people will be around me. A blessing if it works out.

I'm going to be that Dad when I get older who comes home from work, pours a glass of coca-cola with a small bowl of peanuts and sits in a chair next to his record player for 15 minutes with the headphones on taking a breather before evening prayer. these are two things I'm looking forward to for when I get older. I mean yay, I do them now, maybe I just have the idea that when you're older you act upon things with more meaning.

I've been keeping up with the Simpson's, and have now been watching a little of Curb Your Enthusiasm, although this last show makes me anxious because he finds himself in a pickle with every situation he faces. by the way, be sure to check out www.33collective.com, I've updated some paintings, drawings, watercolors, and prints.

I'll try extra hard to keep this blogspot up for the next couple of months. take care y'all