So.....this is what it feels like to be a starving artist. I should have gone to med school.....I should have gone to law school....I should have should have should have.....feeling poor sucks...especially when you're in college and there's absolutly no way to make money. I should be getting paid for the amount of hours I spend in Kresge. (sorry I'm unloading right now). I'm there morning till morning building up a portfolio that will hopefully someday be my "thank you for your hard you, now you "may" be able to stand in line for grad school" ticket. It's not even my "meal ticket", it's more like a "you've endured this much....how about some more" ticket.
jesus tap dancing christ...........fudging plastic cards with that little VISA logo on it. How is it that I feel so depressed whenever my card gets declined. Even when no ones around and you're the only one at the gas station, it feels like everyone in the world now knows you're poor.........it's so pathetic how much plastic can get you down sometimes.
I need a better budget. That's all there is to it. I guess I need to stop spending so much money on.............."cherry wood, clear pine, and birch!!!!!"
try explaining that to your mom. You sound like a complete lunatic......
"ma......my bank account is overdrawn by 50 bucks, I don't even have enough quarters in my room for gas tonight.......I spent 100 bucks the other day on three pieces of cherry wood.........."
sigh........(I take that back)................SIGH
It's okay I guess....everyone goes through financial troubles.....but you see......I'm a guy.....and there's a lot of pressure for us "retarded" species to be able to provide for other people in the future........and although I know this means nothing, and in less than 5 days I'll be back on my feet again....I just feel like my career as an artist in the future will be harder than I think it will be, and that no one would ever, I MEAN EVER, want to put up with a starving artist. Insert part where I feel like shit and that I'm bound so be alone for the rest of my life...........
ugh....sorrrrrry it's the holidays and I'm stuck home tonight with no food or milk in the fridge to my name.
Even when my mom asked me a minute ago, "well....do you have food for tonight?"
I answered back with a, "hahahah no........I mean...yeah ma, I can find something".
I know my life won't always be like this. I know all my hard work will pay off one day and I'll be able to support a family. It's that voice in the back of your head that says "jesus Anthony, you can't even buy gas right now, that means all you're dreams won't come true because you don't have any money."
To which I say.........."yeah you would say that mr. voice in the back of my mind. You would kick me when I'm down".
ANNNNWAY, I've been re-reading parts of this and HEY!!!! why am I so sad....seriously.....so what if I have no money and chris just sent the utilities out....so what if that means I might get another 50 dollars JUST IN OVERDRAFT fee's so my checks don't bounce...(so what if I didn't accept a 250 dollar check the other day from some guy at NYU....I mean, it takes a man to do that shit doesn't it?........... so what right? it's just money......and at least I've been making good decisions lately and using most of it for school purposes.......and I'm sure I'll ask my mom tomorrow if we can swing by the bank before we hit the road back to Ann Arbor so we can deposit some mula in my account.
"hey mommmmmmmmm.............can I borrow some money pleaseeeeeeeeeeee".
Life's not that bad. I mean I just painted all day today while thinking non stop about something....yeah.....seriously........"SERIOUSLY????!" pinky swear.....
I'll update again late tonight since I don't really have anything better to do. I might start Franny and Zooey tonight. I'm off to make pasta and butter....aka. fat kids food when there's nothing fresh in the fridge to eat.
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